Inspiring People

Everybody has something bad on their history. Some people don't let that stop them. Others do. The real problem here is not your bad history, the real problem is your inability to let it go. Did you ever learn how to let things go? Probably not. You probably learned to chew in your history, to relive it, to let it completely cloud your present day. You learned how to do that. Let me emphasize that again.. you learned how to do it. What you need to learn is how to let things go. What does that mean? Did anyone ever show you how to do that? I'll tell you one thing that does not work very well: talking and venting about your bad luck. Talking and venting help for a minute. But nothing changes. Change only happens when you learn how to let it go.

I may have an answer for this, and I'm not crazy about it, so to speak. I think the mental health we're doing these days is wrong. We're looking in the wrong place, we're looking with the wrong background and history, we're looking with the wrong expectations. I just can't think of another explanation. We may have a moneyball situation here: We're all looking at the same game but there is something that's going on that escapes all of us. Maybe something hiding in plain sight. Maybe it's time to start looking at mental health with new eyes. I've always had this sneaking hunch that we are going to look back at what we're doing mental health wise in a 100 years and think us to be cavemen. You talk to each other? You make pictures in your mind? You flash lights? You talk about your mother? And you expect all this to help you feel better? Let's begin here: getting the life you want has nothing to do with your history. There, I said it. Quit lo

I'm going running this morning. I'm going to continue this fight for another day. I'm going to do it because I like controlling what I can control. Not really wild about running, but I am wild about deciding what my body likes versus being told what it likes. Know what I mean?

I live in Denver. I drive in Denver. I have never seen more pissed off drivers than I do here. But I'll bet that in your mind you're debating that with me right now, arguing of course that your town is worse. Driving is a little bit like being on the internet. It's anonymous, you feel like you have to respond to the slightest slight, and you can feel free to be as crude or as hair triggers you like. Nobody knows you. You can just let it fly. Can I make a suggestion? Use driving as an opportunity to practice being a stoic. Being a stoic means realizing that the only thing you can control is yourself. It is realizing and screaming at somebody else, or swerving to cut them off, or angry glances in crude gestures don't impact anything. In fact it might get you killed. At least around here. As has been said, don't let them turn you into them. Let it go. Count to 10. Take three deep breaths. Keep yourself under control, because you can't control what's out there.

Be aware of negative. Resist negative.

Most people want to improve something about themselves. The problem is outsiders/other people know things about you in 5 minutes that you've never even seen about yourself. So how do you get a good look at yourself, so you know what to change? How do you find out what you don't know you don't know? I've got some ideas, but they basically are revolve around the same thought: ask. Ask around. Look for people who will be honest with you. And trust me when I tell you they will be hard to find. It might hurt, but thank them.

I did my doctoral training back in the late seventies and early '80s. Back then the term "cognitive therapy" was becoming popular. Before that it was called learning. So I did my doctoral work on learning. There was a popular term back then called "locus of control". Maybe it's still popular, I don't know. It was put forth as a theory of depression and it was pretty interesting. It asked the basic question "does the world act on you or do you act on the world?" Does the control of your life rest inside you or outside you? It was suggested, with some scientific back up, the people that were depressed felt like there were forces outside of them controlling them and they couldn't do anything about it. The lack of control led the feelings of depression. That's pretty interesting, and probably pretty true. We humans are sort of wired to look to some central authority, external source of knowledge for answers to our situations. We are kind of

Be on guard about what you let into your mind. I have become aware of the conversations today about how people in 2023 are feeling bad about things. There's just a air of negativity that seems to infect nearly all conversations at some point. I've heard all kinds of talking heads explain why that is. From the breakdown of the nuclear family, the absence of god, the lack of strong role models, wokness, far right nationalism, lack of gender identity, too many guns, blah blah, etc. etc. It is attention getting and has the appearance of being right. Well I've got some good news and bad news. The good news is that people feel bad because they're being told to feel bad. Then we're given extensive reasons and logic why that's true. And we naturally believe things that appear to be true. That's what we spent 12 years in school learning to do. But they are only opinions. Those talking heads telling us to feel bad are heavily invested in being right, so they come up w

The other day I got gas for $3.05 a gallon. I was so excited I texted my wife and told her. I think I'm getting old. I went to a dentist appointment and noticed all his accomplishments, framed, hanging on the wall. There was probably 10. Two of them were crooked. I couldn't stop looking at them. I decided I would bring a ruler with me on the next visit and fix them. Jesus I think I'm getting old. I can't seem to stop my underpants waistband from rolling down.  I think I'm getting fat. And old. Something else happened today but I can't think of it. Brains shot, getting fat, getting old. It's time to start thinking.

A friend of mine just reminded me of a great book that was popular back when I was in high school. It was called Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It was a simple fable. The message was in two short words, "You can". It was published at a time when society was pretty lost. It was an instant success because it brought everyone back to a simple idea. We need a simple idea to come back to today. We need the opportunity to refocus on the right questions, to assume responsibility for ourselves, and to spread something positive for a purpose. This is no small thing. But you can.